You know the sound when the sky is trying to rain and it begins sprinkling just a bit, pit, pat, pit, pit, pat, pit, pit, pat? This is such a calming sound to me, bringing to mind components of new growth, spring, the washing away of the old and crusty and the emergence of the new. I have fond memories of sitting on back porches and listening to this sound of gentle rain and the rolling thunder with the occasional strikes of lightning. I heard this very slight pitter-patter sound now. I had forgotten to wear a bandana and now while in downward dog, the sweat dripped freely and profusely from my brow onto the mat below. I was attending a core power yoga class at East Texas Fitness in the house that Mel built.
We then evened up our big toes, swung our right leg up and back and then brought it through lying it down on the ground in front of us with our hip at ninety degrees in a pose known as pigeon.
Some say people carry emotional things in their hips. As I lowered myself into a forward stretch, perhaps it was the tightness from muscle use (or) perhaps it was as they said, stuff carried in the hips. Whichever it was or both, I began to shake. At first I thought it was just my leg as I tested the stretching of my body in ways it was unaccustomed to. Then as I focused inward, I realized that part of the shaking was coming from my heart. Something was coming out and the release felt so utterly amazing that I couldn’t help but begin crying as a few shaking sobs escaped from my chest.
What was I releasing? I’m not sure I even know, but my mind imagined a string of inky toxins being pulled out of my heart (self hate, self judgment, and any number of self somethings that were serving me poorly). I breathed into the new space and stretched a little further.
The room was warm although I didn’t feel the heat. All of my yogi companions of every level were dripping sweat testing their own edges inside and out. I was thankful as I lifted my head that as one of the only men in a room full of women, I could hide my tears as sweat drops. The sweat poured. We moved through a lot of different poses, several where muscle exhaustion just wouldn’t let me do the pose. The lightning were the moments of finding the limits of my edge, realizing I still couldn’t do stuff YET and relaxing into that which I could do, easing into the shelter of the acceptance of my heart. The release of stress, the freedom and freshness of chest!
So, today was the day I realized that I can not NOT do this. Bring the rain!
If there is any area of your life you consider a desert that needs new growth, please do yourself a favor and check out a class at the East Texas Adventure Boot Camp at the East Texas Fitness facility. The program, the environment, and the nurturing family that supports you through all challenges to personal success, even during the occasional and sometimes necessary ugly cry.
Bring the rain!